Learning to Trust

The following essay was written a month earlier. I had trouble speaking about it and was unable to really say what was on my mind, so I wrote this for my parents instead:

"I miss Lucy. I miss her stiff fur and huge, fluffy tail. I miss her big, brown eyes, so full of life and love. I miss having to clean up the trash she scattered through the house. I miss having to lock all the doors before I left the house, but coming home to see she had broken into the house some other way. I miss watching her march around the house, waiting until someone let her inside. I miss taking her a bath and than listen to her howl and yell for an hour as she dried off, tied to the door handle of our car. I miss her bark when I walk in at 1:30 at night, scaring me every time. I miss her getting scared of the fire alarms and wanting to sleep with me even when they went off. I miss her biting my feet when I ran though the house. I miss her barking and jumping at me if I tried to shock with with static electricity. I miss hugging her and feeling her lick my cheek. I miss seeing her everyday.

Its been almost four months and it still makes me cry. I couldn't understand why. Yes, I loved that dog to death. I'd known her for 13 years and we had such an awesome time and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful friend. But...how long will this last? I mean, yeah, it's going to hurt and I'm going to be sad, but she's just a dog.

It feels like all my recent insecurities and personal issues stem from her loss. I don't feel guilty about it; I know I did the right thing. But I have noticed that I am not as cheerful as I used to be, I'm not as patient at work or home, I feel befuddled and lost, I have no idea where I'm headed in life, I get more anxious and worried about the future and my plans, I don't feel like I have a very good grasp of...well, anything...I feel...like I am a sailor who has no map and is adrift in the mysterious, frightening, powerful sea.

Lucy was always there. She was always in her bed or outside or laying in the living room. But now she's not...she's gone and she's not coming back. That scares me. I don't want things to change like that. I wanted to be prepared for change, not afraid of when it's going to happen. I want change that...I want. Not change that leaves me powerless and helpless in my little boat. I don't need to be in control, I just want the change to be surprising, not scary.

I say it, over and over and over. God is in control, God has a plan, God has got it figured out. But how do I believe that? How do I learn to live that. I don't want to be in control anymore, but I don't know how to stop it and let it all go."

I still don't know the answer to this. I don't know if anyone does. How do I trust God? I'm still learning to trust every day. It's difficult and sometimes painful to just let go and let God take care of it.
"Buckle your seat belts and let God take care of the rest."
I used to say this a lot when I was younger. I used to really believe that. But as I grew older and became more aware of the world around me, I started to grow...scared. People that I knew died, friends left me behind, troubles covered my sky, my future was (and still is) fuzzy and I began to worry. Even though I never said it, I still gave the impression that God didn't know what he was doing.
He does know what he's doing. He's got it under control and doesn't want me to worry.

Matthew 6:25-34;
"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Two years ago, I took Lucy to the vet because she was having severe abdominal pain. I remember hugging her tight in the back of the car as my dad drove us to the vet. I thought she was going to die.
"I'm not ready," I prayed, "Don't take her yet. Give me two more years."
....and He did.
Maybe He knew I wouldn't have been ready to tackle these same issues two years ago. He knew I would be able to handle this now, ask the right questions and have the right people in my life to help me grow stronger.
I still have trust issues.
I still worry.
I still want to control.
But guess what? I'm learning how not to. I'm learning to let go and let God do his work. I'm learning to step back and await the plans God has for me. I'm letting him paint his masterpiece...without me trying to muddy it up with my silly finger painting. He is testing me, making me strong, making me into the woman I NEED to be.
I'm learning to trust in God.

"It will come about in all the land," Declares the LORD, "That two parts in it will be cut off and perish; But the third will be left in it. And I will bring the third part through the fire, Refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, And I will answer them; I will say, 'They are My people,' And they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"

Good men do nothing...

Life is no bed of roses...it's a war zone. We live in a world full of wicked people who will do anything to bring others down with them. We live in a world where debt is "OK" to have and children are seen as a burden. We live in a world where unborn children are slaughtered by the thousands but you get torn to shreds because you kicked your dog. We live in a world where "sexy" is queen and industry is driven by the physical pleasure of all five senses. We live in a world where people are keeping up with the Kardashians rather then their current president and the decisions he makes that spiral our country deeper and deeper into debt. We live in a world where marriage is a joke and you can marry whomever you darn well please, man or woman, and how dare anyone deny them their basic, human rights.
'That's okay,' you might think, sitting back in your chair and sipping your coffee, the beans of which were probably harvested in Brazil by five year old boys who were kidnapped from their homes, 'I'll just move to England.'
Bad news, bud. It 'ain't just America. Trouble is everywhere. It's like that song, "Trouble", by Lenka,

"He's (trouble) there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh."

No matter where you go, trouble will follow. Evil is always there, lurking behind every corner, every alley, glaring at you with sinister eyes, waiting for his chance to strike. He wants to pull in into the muck with him, promising physical pleasures and a care free life. He pretends he's something he's not. He is kind, sometimes, but he only does so to get what he wants. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing, sugar coating his wrong-doings and dipping them in chocolate.
"It tastes good," he whispers, smiling, pushing the candy toward us, "Why shouldn't you trust me. I can get you what you want."
He lies to you, to everyone and he won't rest until he has our souls in his hand and he sees our broken bodies in the streets. Our enemy is back and he will run us down until our feet bleed and our knees break. Then our enemy, Satan, will stand above us in his true form, laughing at us as we stare at him incredulously.
"But," we stutter, tears streaming down our face, "I'm not a bad person. I didn't know it was you. I wouldn't have done all those things if I had known it was you."
"Yes you would," he smiles, reaching for us with clawed hands, "You just didn't care."

I am afraid. I am afraid that it might be too late for us to do something. I am afraid that Satan will take my friends and family, that they will fall for his lies. I am afraid for the people I meet everyday, at work, in the library, on the street, at Walmart...some are falling for his lies...some already did. They dress it up and make it sound and look ALOT  better than it really is.
"But what can I do? I'm only one person."
Unfortunately, not much, but if you can do something, why are you still sitting here? Get up! In Christ's war, everyone is fighting, not just the missionary's and the pastors and the Pope...this is a war where no one is left alone. Everyone is affected because we are all in the middle. There is no "no-man's land" because no place is safe or free of Satan's chains.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke

"He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad" (Matt. 12:30)

You either fight for Christ or Satan, good or evil. There is no gray zone where you can hide and scream 'I'm not playing anymore!' By doing that, your are allowing evil to win and therefore on the side of evil.

I choose to fight. I refuse to stand on the sidelines and allow this evil to go untamed. This is an all out war and I will stand at the forefront of His ranks. Blood will be spilt, fire with rage in the earth, friends and foe shall fall and hell will be raised. The atrocities of war are already upon us, and you can either choose to turn a blind eye or rush into the heat of battle.

Ephesians 6:2 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

I tell you now, the straight and narrow path is fraught with peril, danger lurking on the curb, ready to grab and pull you away from the light, away from the Truth. We are the bearers of Truth; Truth-Bearers, spreading Christ's light to the four corners of the earth.

Obliviousness is not something lauded in the bible. You are either for Christ or against him.
"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth." Revelations 3:16

However, we were not created to be stone-cold "killers" for Christ. Our passion for Truth should not hinder us from continuing to show grace to others. Christ was a friend of sinners and had no issues spending time with those people.

"The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners..." Matthew 11:19

"In all this talk about being like Jesus, why don’t we ever talk about being a friend to sinners? Why do we think it's okay to only hang out with Christians and never hang out with anybody who doesn't believe what we do? Aren’t we supposed to follow in Jesus' footsteps? I’ve heard many Christians say, “Oh, we're trying to remain holy.” Jesus was holy. His holiness caused him to reach out to people whom the culture deemed sinners, criminals, adulterers, fornicators, offenders, outlaws, and materialistic. The religious crowd hated him; he didn’t keep their rules. One of their greatest complaints was that Jesus didn’t focus his attention on them (the Pharisees and Sadducees). He hung out with those who were sick and blind (the people who the religious folks thought were being punished by God)."  (http://theresurgence.com/2011/09/21/are-you-a-friend-of-sinners) Harvey Turner, "Are you a friend of sinners?"

He got to know these people and was not afraid to tell them about their sins and the consequences of them. His biggest testimony was the love he showed to these men and women. How can we preach about the everlasting love of our savior while avoiding the very people he died to save? How is that preaching His gospel effectively? How is that a symbol of Christ?

I read a quote a couple of years ago that really changed the way I treated and responded to non-believers.
"I love your Christ, but I don't like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Ghandi.
It's heart rending. How many people have we turned aside because our "undying devotion to Christ" keeps us from "fraternizing" with the enemy? That is not of Christ. His gospel is a gospel of love and compassion. Remember how everyone thought that Jesus would come with armies and soldiers to deliver his people? But, guess what? He was born in a manger, of all places to a two "nobody's" in a barn...no armies or horses or swords. Jesus did not come to kill in the name of God. Rather, he came to show us True Love. His gospel was for everyone, Jews and Gentiles, Romans and Hebrews, Americans and Chinese, whites and blacks, young and old...sinners everywhere. Why is that so hard for some people to understand? I rejoice at that fact, that he loves us all the same, he treats us all equally. He doesn't love me more than the murderer, or the murderer more than the homosexual. We are all the same in God's eyes.

Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."

We all have sinned. We were all doomed for Hell. But God loved us ALL and sent his only son to set us free...because he LOVED US. He loved us ALL.

We cannot be silent any longer. We cannot stay idle any longer. I am fighting and I refuse to back down. There is so much that I can do, I don't care if everyone else laughs at me or tells me that I am foolish. People are dying, living in sin and filth...and I can help change that. I will run into the battle, fighting evil and helping pull survivors out of the rubble. I bear the truth, the Gospel of love and I will share it with every man I meet. I refuse to let evil triumph. I will fight until I have no breath left in my blood.

I refuse to do nothing. I am a soldier of Christ and I will fight. Satan, bring it on. I dare you.

   

Nerd Chronicles: Wolver-irritating

     So, a friend of mine invited me to her birthday party which is coming up in a few weeks. I'm super excited because:
1) It's my friend's birthday (duh)
2) It's a costume party.

A COSTUME PARTY! YAAH!

     

     For those of you who don't know me, I am a huge geek when it comes to costumes and dressing up. I've always loved it. (just look at my profile picture) I wear my Supergirl costume around the house sometimes. A couple of friends came over for my younger sisters' birthday and asked me why I wore my costume. 

Friend: "Halloween is over. Was this supposed to be a costume party?"

Me: "No."

Friend; "Then why-"

Me: "-Hey, if we can wear pajamas all day at home, I can wear my Halloween costume all day at home. It is my house, anyway." I then proceed to fly away dramatically while my friends watch me in confused silence. They're just jealous.

     I'm still trying to convince my brothers to come with me to Comic-Con dressed up as

Elizabeth, Booker Dewitt

 and Songbird from the Bioshock: Infinite game.

 So far, they said no. Maybe if I pay for the tickets...

     Anyway, I was thinking of a costume. I wanted it to be practical (meaning, I would use most of the costume later for other things) but also fun. I was looking at Minnie Mouse first, but decided not too. I could't find a dress that I really liked. (again, I wanted it to be something I would wear later) I thought about a Disney Princess, then some other non-mainstream princesses (Anastasia, Odette, Princess Eillonwy) Then I thought of superheroes. I love superheroes, especially Batman. :) But I'm already dressing up as Batgirl for Halloween at work. I can't be her twice in the same year. I am a nerd and I will find something else. 

     I wanted a superhero, but not one that is too overdone. I was having a little trouble finding one I liked. I mean, these super heroines are pretty dang cool, but have you seen their outfits? Yikes! No thanks, I would prefer to wear a jacket and sturdy work boots then a Bikini with knee high, high heeled boots. And another problem: all my favorite superheros are guys! Hey, wait a minute. Why not just change the gender, from male to female? They did it with Batman and Superman!

     So I decided on Wolverine. Why? Well, to put it simply, he's just awesome. I mean, what's not awesome about retractable Adamantium claws that can be whipped out in seconds, and then his amazing healing abilities? Plus, he has pretty cool hair.

     

     So Wolverine (or in this case Wolverinea) is a pretty easy costume to pull off. I'm talking about the X-men: Origins movie.
1) Jeans
2) White shirt
3) Boots
4) Dog tags
5) Maybe a cigar
6) Adamantium claws

     I have all of these, except the cigar...and the Adamantium claws. I don't really need to have a cigar (tempting though) but I kind of do need to get my hands on some Adamantium claws. Well, I began looking for DIY wolverine claws...which there are actually quiet alot of, surprisingly. So I found this one on instructables. Hm...well, I don't have a blow torch, or a bench grinder or a welder or a dremel with a grinding wheel (whatever the heck THAT is) but I decided to try it anyway. My claws composed of duct tape, foil, card board, a coat hanger, teeny, tiny wire cutters and two veeeeery long hours. The result:

BAZINGA!

     Not too shabby, not toooo shabby if I do say so myself. Actually, it looked a whole lot more awesome in my head. I mean, they didn't come out anything like the picture.

Compare this. (which is not only pure genius, but super awesome)

With this:

     Hm...more duct tape, maybe? And longer. And sharper. And...well, just more awesomeness. My younger sister loves them though:

      Ah, well. At least I can say that I made Wolverine claws...once...and it failed...miserably. I've got another great idea for a costume, though. It involves lot's of bleach and orange paint....lots and lots of bleach.

We'll see how well that goes.8-/ (hint; it is NOT going in my hair.)

"Oh, really?"

     As I stood in the Drive-thru of McDonalds, I tried to count the many times I had seen this guy come through. I couldn't even remember, but I had the strange suspicion that he was "stalking" me. He looked about my age, and he seemed nice, but can you really base your judgement on how many times they've come through your drive-thru window?
     Anyway, he came through again that day, and I was just as chipper as I usually am. After handing him the food, the guy turned to me, holding his receipt.
     "Uh, this receipt is missing a number," he said.
Huh? Number? What was he talking about?
     "I'm sorry," I responded, confused, " It's missing a number?"
He smiled big, pushing the receipt toward me.
     "Yours."
Hook,
Line,
Sinker.
     I had fallen for the corniest pick-up line in the book. *face palm* I felt like Homer Simpson,
"DOH!"

     I'm a skeptic, a non-believer in the phenomena "love at first sight". I don't believe in it and I think it's a bunch of hooey. (more on that later) So, this is an imaginary conversation with my "stalker" (or anyone really) on love and what it is. Note: This can be viewed from either a boy talking to a girl, or vice-versa.

"Oh, really?"
You say you'll love me and stand by my side,
You say you'll be with me till the end of all time,
You'll hold my hand tight through sickness and death,
You'll be there with me as I breathe my last breath.

Oh, really?

Love is not glamorous, it's not always fun,
There are going to be times when we just feel like we're done,
We'll want to throw in the towel, walk out on the game,
Vowing to never again utter your name.

Will you still love me when I feel like a grouch,
When I grumble and mumble and fumble and slouch,
When I think I know better (which I usually do)
From mechanics to bibles, from laundry to flu,
When I turn my head in the other direction,
Refusing to give you any kind of attention,
When I decide to stop talking and just raise my brow,
I'll give the impression, "I know more than thou."

Will you still love me when my tummy gets flabby,
When my face starts to wrinkle and look kind of shabby,
When my hairline recedes and I look like Bruce Willis,
And my skin gets rough and tough like a large Gavialis, (large Indian crocodile with a long snout)
My small, slender ankles might bloat up with Gout,
I'll not always be skinny, I could become stout,
I might grow addicted to Double-stuff cookies,
I'd stay home from church to eat and play hooky,

Will you still love me when we run out of stuff,
We might live on the streets, we won't have enough,
We'll run out of greenbacks or we could just be in debt,
Maybe I lost all of it in a bet,
It will be quite hard to provide for just two,
I don't want you to leave me, to tell me adieu,
We'd work through it together, we'd get it set right,
Money would never again be our plight.

Will you still love me when I make bad decisions,
When reality differs from what I'd envision,
It just doesn't work out, it just goes "kaboom",
The house will be filled with my despair and my gloom,
I will make mistakes, I know I'll mess up,
I'll just say stupid things, I just won't shut up,
I'll grow angry and yell, saying things that I shouldn't,
Telling you things that I normally wouldn't.


Will you still love me when we find out I'm dying,
You said you that you would, unless you were lying,
When we find that there never was ever a cure,
It will be a hardship we shall have to endure,
I'll grow weaker and colder as death will draw close,
It may be quite ugly, a lot more than most,
I could lose my mind, decide that I hate you,
I could never have met you, I'll be someone new.

Then it shall be upon me,
It will come by surprise,
Will you be with me then?
Will I hear your goodbyes?

Will you love me through sickness, love me through health,
Love me through poverty, love me through wealth,
Love me through all of the good times and bad,
Love me through happiness, love me through sad,
To have and to hold, to love and to honor,
'cause if you don't, my dad will make you a goner.

You say you'll love me all the days of my life,
You say you can't live without me as your wife,
You say you'll love me forever and ever,
To have me, you'd undertake any endeavor.

Oh, really?

People, Person of Interest and Fruit...

     "Hey Alex."
     I stopped and looked at him. He was washing dishes and I was headed out of the back room to get back to work. It had been a typical work day, filled with stress and laughter, and I was ready to wrap up and go home.
     "Yeah?" I replied, holding sauce packets, being careful not to drop any one the floor.
     "Do you ever get angry?"
I blinked, surprised.
     "Yes," I answered, trying not to sound rude, "Of course."
     "I was just wondering," he said, turning back to his dishes, "I just never really see you get angry. You are always smiling."
     "Well, I try to be happy," I continued, "But I do get angry. I just try not to let that show. Usually, if I'm angry, it's for selfish reasons, like someone isn't doing what I want them to do, or how I want them to do it. Anger is annoyance, and I try to avoid taking that out on other people. Unless someone is, for example, picking on one of my siblings. Then that's more of a righteous indignation rather than personal annoyance. Does that make sense?"
     "Yeah, I guess."

     When I was younger, my mom used to tell me that, if I was annoyed with someone, then I was being selfish. Of course, being an eleven year old, I kind of got the concept of what she was saying, but not really. It's become more clear, though, as I've gotten older.  We tend to get frustrated with things that don't go our way, or more specifically, people. Annoyance is irritation or vexation with someone or something; seeing something as a nuisance. It drives me bonkers when I hear parents or siblings complaining about younger children and their questions.




     "You're telling me you think your little, four year old brother is a nuisance because he's asking you about the solar system and how gravity works? He wants to know about the world and how it works and you thinks that a nuisance? It's getting in your way how? Oh, it distracted you from the new "Person of Interest" episode? That makes sense." *sarcasm* (POI is awesome though...just saying.)

   

      Now, if we are really peeved, our annoyance turns to outright anger and frustration and we take it out on the other person. I am ashamed because I just did this to my mom while watching the new Star Trek. It was near the end of the movie when ******* and ***** are ****** and they both ******.  (sorry, I didn't want to accidentally spoil anything)
It was a very intense scene and I was really into it. My mom, being the wonderful, funny woman that she is, jostled my arm and whispers,
     "What's going to happen? What's going to happen?"
     That's what I'm trying to find out! I turned to her and told her, very rudely, to stop it...and I didn't say please. She raised her eyebrow at me and let me finish the movie in peace, but I felt bad about it the rest of the night. I apologized for it later, but it didn't erase what I had already done. I laugh at it now, but I'm still feel guilty about that incident.
   
     We, as impatient human-beings, tend to live life on the fast lane. We get caught up in something that we are doing and we snap at anyone who we think "slows us down". We view other people as "distractions" and "vexations" that keep us from getting our "work" done. Other people's quirks might drive us bonkers. We lack tolerance of other peoples individuality. For example, there are plenty of people who get on my nerves at work because they have little "things" they do. But it's what makes them who they are. Why am I getting upset at that? It annoys ME. It doesn't make sense to ME. I get fed up with people's idiosyncrasies instead of stuff that really matters. I don't need to get angry when someone is arguing with me with me at work. Irked? Yes. Angry? No. I can still speak and react calmly...and I really have no reason not to.
     Why can't I react in love and patience and tolerance? Why can't I speak kindly to someone when they are arguing just for the sake of arguing? (you know who you are;)

 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law" Galatians 5:22-23

     Love of people and their diversity. Not mushy, sappy, teenage romance love, but true love that can only come from the Father. Looks past their problems and understands the brokenness underneath...and forgives.

     Joy with their individuality and that no man is the same. (It would be really boring if we were)

     Peace that you cannot change that. You can take the tiger out of the forest, but you can't take the forest out of the tiger. You can't change people, so suck it up and move on.

     Patience with their differences. Compassion with them. Some people might be slower learners then you. Bear with them...quietly. Yelling in their ear to hurry up doesn't help. (I know the scripture says "patience" and the picture says "longsuffering" but be patient with me  ;P)

     Kindness ties into patience. Without it, we would be patient, but our heart would be overflowing with bitterness. Kindness is sort of the outward portrayal of love.

     Goodness to not only follow the fruits of the spirit, but believes in it, which helps change our whole attitude towards people and the world. (http://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/goodness/)

     Faithfulness is committed to goodness and Christ's everlasting love...therefore, it should be lived out daily.

     Gentleness is the equivalent of meekness. "We are to be free from self-exaltation and fully submitted to the will of God both in our relation to Him and in our relationships with others." (http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/top/fruit8_gentleness.cfm)

     Self-control controlling our own emotions and feelings and tuning into God, serving him and others...even if others are a pain in the butt.

(All pictures were borrowed from the site selahforliving.com)

     All of these fit together, like a giant clock. All the cogs mesh together and work properly. We are told this is the "Fruit" of the spirit, not "Fruits"...meaning, they all are to be used together, not separate. You can't just have self-control, or gentleness, otherwise, they don't work. Unless all the pieces are used together, it doesn't work properly and you can't build your house. All part of a nutritional, balanced breakfast!

     I wish I never got angry, that I could enjoy everyone and everything and realize how awesome and beautiful life is. But I don't. I get caught up in stuff, stuff that doesn't really matter. I need to realize that these "distractions" are just God's way of saying, "slow down". Anger fills my life with stress and anxiety, while these little "vexations" are usually breathes of fresh air. Like when my little brother comes to me and asks if I can stop reading and play with him outside. When my sister asks me to help her feed our horse instead of watching TV. I get caught up in "my stuff" in "my world" and I isolate myself from my friends and family...from actually having a life.

     I don't always smile. I wish I did. Truth is, I'm not always patient (shocker!) but I do try and keep it under control. I don't take it out on other people, and I just try to enjoy them and their quirks.
     Make sense?

So excited!

     I am was a guest blogger! *squeals* I was hopping up and down when my paper was posted. I hope you guys enjoy it:
 http://heroicendeavors.wordpress.com/2013/03/23/guest-post-shut-up-and-suck-it-up/
     Also, don't forget to check out Hero's blog too while your there. This lovely young lady is such a fantastic writer and has a wonderful sense of humor.

"Favorite Song" is my favorite song.

 
          I love this song. And I don't just mean, "I enjoy listening to this song over and over." I mean, I really, really love this song.
     Jesus is my savior and I love him with every bone in my body, with every fiber of my being. I could sing his praises all day. Sometimes I want to. I love learning about him and thinking about him and how I can better serve him. Every time I think of him, I am filled with awe and wonder at his magnificence and power.
     I wish I could explain this love. It's mind consuming. I think about him everyday, and every time I do, I smile, because I know he loves me even more then I could possibly imagine.
     But my love is not blind. There are many things about God and his word that confuse me. Sometimes, I am discouraged because some questions I have been asked by non-believers about God and the bible, I am unable to answer. But my love for the Lord only pushes me to find the answer to these questions. I don't overlook these; I try and answer them to the best of my ability.
     God, help me to help others understand my love for you. You have given me eternal life, a gift I I didn't ask for or even deserve. You payed a debt you didn't owe. You gave your life for my wretched one so that I may be able to spend an eternity with you in heaven. Don't let me ever take that for granted.

     "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

     I know this verse is used a lot and you've probably read (or heard) this passage hundreds of times, I really never get tired of it. Look at it and meditate on it's words. God loved us. He doesn't just love Billy Graham, or the apostle Paul, or Mother Theresa, or the Queen of England...he loves us all. All of us equally. The King of the world, the one who created the universe, the One who made the immense Red Wood trees, the One who made the mighty roaring oceans, the One who made the stars and galaxies...loves me. Little me. He loved ME so much that he sent his Son to free us from sin. God knew very well His son would be beaten beyond recognition, he would be hated by men and finally left to die, not a peaceful, romantic death, but a painful, brutal one meant for the worst of criminals.
   
     I guess I never will fully comprehend what he did for me, but it still blows me away whenever I think about it; blown away by his love. I wish I could make others understand what I feel. This invigorating zeal for Christ and the furthering of his kingdom. But that's the beauty of it; you have to find it yourself. You appreciate it so much more. Then, you will understand true joy and peace.

     "The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad."

Psalm 126:3